where am i from again
ugly people sure do ruin things
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize