Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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