She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
