dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
