the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize