Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
