Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she told me i tasted like america
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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