Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When are your genitals available?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
