chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
