Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
