I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
