So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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