do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
