they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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