It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
