Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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