I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
