one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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