i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
