Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
