Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
These tits shall not be calmed
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