Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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