i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Randomize
