lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We got so high we made milksteak
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this just has baby written all over it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
