TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
