i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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