your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
