now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
