uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
