I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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