Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
