This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I cut my penus on the lid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
