He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize