we have officially lost it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
