You smell like a Billy Joel song
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize