So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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