Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
