The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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