Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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