The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i love accidental penises.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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