dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
