I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
