Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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