my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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