no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
