o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize