we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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