I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
