she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
