why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Are we still banned from the library?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
