Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
