My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
