i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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