My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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