she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize