xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
