Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
