i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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