She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
