I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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