he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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