i just had sex bonerless
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We left the knife in your bed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
