we're chasing vodka with high fives
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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