today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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