Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
