It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
