I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize