Having a random hookup so left but love u
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
