if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
