Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
