i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
