New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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