Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
