Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
