the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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