so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
