she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize