You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
