Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
